She Is Bliss

She is BLISS.

She is the warmth of the sun, caressing my face with her soft hands.

I can see her sweet smile and gentle soul looking at me with my eyes closed.

She is the quiet of the moon and stars, the black of night in the infinite sky.

She floats and dances in her bliss, welcome to come and go into and away from galaxies and Earth.

She is the dance in the butterfly and the sway in the branches.

She is the intangible love I’ve found in nature for my entire life.

My bliss is She.

A deer with tender and trepid footsteps, a frog leaping into a pond.

Baby piglets, puppies, her own dogs that receive my love with and for her and for me.

She is love.

How wondrous to be free from this earthbound strapping and trapping of the sensitive mind, the delicate flower of innocence that she is has been revealed and she is free from this place.

She smiles now where there was angst.

She touches with delicacy the lost or hurting.

She soars in and out of the dimensions.

She suffers no more but laughs out loud no more. I can’t hold her. I can’t touch her or help her or talk to her or call her.

She is with me and yet, I am unaware.

There is a cruelty in this pain, an unrecognized beauty in her freedom.

The reconciliation came for her when she broke free of her cocoon that appeared to the human to be death.

She found her beauty, her soul, her true spirit. She flies high in bliss and touches down with no fear, no insecurity, no confusion, no pain…no pain…no pain.

How selfish is the physical, the mother, the living on earth after she has transcended and will continue to transcend into more and more BLISS?

The human experience is unavoidable. The long nights of lying in the fetal position, sobbing with uncontrollable spasms as the physical bodies who love her anguish and physiologically change to adapt to this world without her and to her new and complete form cannot be avoided.

Methods are introduced to ease the pain and aid in the minute understanding or acceptance or even the fragment of joy for her that she no longer suffers here but soars into the everything that is Universe, that is God, that is her true form, that is spirit. But, they are fleeting as the pain drowns me in tidal waves, leaves me choking, and allows me to breathe for a few days after it subsides.

The anguish of desire to tear apart and dismantle the physical from the soul is maddening. My hands want to grip my chest, tear it apart to open the green and red and indigo, to open to feel her in her new form. See her with my heart. See her with my heart. My broken and decimated heart. The one thing that could free me is the only thing keeping me away from her.

Foreign, unable to cope, much less morph into an enlightened human this feeling of ripping at the chest to see her with the heart, not the eyes. The panic that ensues day after day of desperate searching for a way to communicate through the pain.

Jealousy, envy, desire, desperation take the place of the bond we shared. That was my daughter. I made her. She and I were entwined and now she is here and everywhere and I can’t reach her. My joy comes from others who can and do reach her or the people she reaches. I feel defeated. Left out.

She is BLISS. Love her. Trust her. Know her in her new form. Learn patience and feel abundance with the love of the people present in life who need each other now more than ever.

The constant struggle between being surrounded by her love and struggling to love her as the only way I know is constant because I cannot love her in the physical and I cannot escape the torturous pain in me. I don’t know how.

I don’t know how.

My eyes strain as I look too hard, try too hard, am ungrateful, tearing the world apart seeking her, raging, screaming, playing little reels of tape that allow me to see myself with her instead of playing out my sacred contract. I want to remember all of her and I wonder if my memories are just suspended or are they leaving me?

I search for her and she is BLISS. I try to remind myself that she is BLISS. Be joyous and thankful and loving. Be kind and understanding and patient. All while writhing and screaming inside the heart that can and should and one day must open to see her in her new form. I can’t and I must.

She is BLISS

She is BLISS

She is EVERYTHING

She is EVERYWHERE

She is HERE

She is ME

I am HER.

I fall exhausted, the physical world being only a necessity to see through my contract with my sisters and brothers of this dimension, my son, my love, my family. I crawl on my knees through the days and nights, finding scraps of happiness, proof in her love. She cradles me as I cry.

I still feel her growing inside me, holding her as a newborn, suckling at my breast. I see her walking, talking, observing, struggling, hurting, helping, loving. I don’t have another way to view her as I beg on my hands and knees for mercy, for a glimpse of her from my heart….tear it from my chest and replace it with love and understanding. Be happy for her, show her the unconditional love I promised.

She is BLISS. Love her in her BLISS.